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Wow its been quite some time since I last posted. No I am not in love. Far from it actually. The deeper side of me still seeks it desperately but I am spending more time focusing on other things and other people. I have come to believe that in order to heal ourselves we have to begin by looking outward rather than inward. When I looked only inward, I couldnt help but focus on myself and every inch of pain I was experiencing. By looking outward, I allow my pain to heal others, hence this blog.
Lately I spend my days surrounded by work, friends and family. When the lonliness creeps in, I go by my parents house and sit a spell. I stay until the lonliness subsides. I spend more mental energy thinking about my relationships to other people outside of a romantic relationship. I focus on how to better supervise people at work, how my smile can impact a random person’s day, how others are dealing with their own levels of pain, and what can I do to help them through it.
The nights are still quiet. The bed still hollow. But the days arent as long. I understand now there is a purpose to the silence. I need this time to explore who I am and how I impact the world. I heard as well all have heard, I will never be able to love another person until I learn to love myself first. I am working on the self-love portion. That is harder than ever loving another man.
So dont think I have forgotten you. I am still here. Still part of your struggle. But now I see the light at the end of the path. And I welcome you to still walk with me. There is still a long way to go.
The Love Addict.
1 Comment(s)
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i found your website through google after i finally realized that the cycle I’ve been going through for the last few years had a name. thank you for your story, it has been encouraging and offers me some hope.